Building Castles in the Sky (2)

Beijing is full of lights, like every city. Whether they are the lights from cars or the lights from buildings, they all add together to make somewhat of a haven looking atmosphere, but I should not be deceived because this haven is not safe. What makes it seem almost dream-like at times is in fact the smog. The heavy smog, that at times makes you feel as if you're wading through think air. Its in one word: uncomfortable. But its what makes living here seem almost unbelievable.

Aug 26th 2011
I've discovered that I'm not as smart as I thought I was. I think I know the rules of the game and then invariably, they change. I am...once again reminded that life is not a game...and there are no rules. But there are the morals and values that we live by each day. Its a pity that I'm only now just realizing it. 
Its true that its easier not to care-to distance myself and say "It doesn't matter." But that would be too simple; to uncomplicated. Nothing is ever just easy, nothing is ever really free of charge. Things worth doing, take time, prayer, thought. They don't just occur. Like my heart, it is too complicated and yet simple at the same time, too unpredictable. I cannot stand that I don't know the answer to my questions. Like, "Why am I here?"
Back to rules, there is one I think that should stand, there is one definite constant: Christ's love and God's mercy.


Sept 4th 2011
Its quiet...Beijing is quiet. Odd. This rarely happens I think. But its calm today, and the sun is almost completely awake. But I sit and wait a minute, Beijing is already on its way to becoming the loud city it usually is by noon. And I'm here, just waiting on the edge of what seems like the brink to I don't know where.
A man dressed in white walks back and forth at a steady pace. "Morning exercise," I think to myself.


There is a desperation for English in this country. Its almost staggering. It seems to me that these people who have such a beauty in their culture, their language, and yet they want so desperately to be Western. But they try too hard to reach that goal. Western themes are always overdone and overrated...There are many English schools like the one I work at, and there are more sprouting up throughout the country. Apart from that parents are asking for English tutors, English nannies, English babysitters. I can't decide if its a "need" or simply an overwhelming "want".

Building Castles in the Air (1)

I have been living and working in Beijing now for about a month and so far have considered it to be a blessing that is both hidden and completely visible at the same time. There is not one moment that I am no thankful for and yet there are many which I wish I would forget. I am constantly amazed that this is now my life and these will be the people I shall see for some time, but I think that these thoughts have not quite seeped through to my brain, nor my heart. And for once in my short life, I am at peace with this notion that I have not quite settled yet.
Settling takes time and aligning oneself with a new routine and new people...I am glad that I do not settle so easily.

Throughout my time here thus far, I have written some pages with my thoughts, my musings if you will on anything that I come upon at the time. My side-bag is almost always with me, and in it is always a pen and notebook to jot down some random thoughts, call me a nerd, but that's what I am.

Aug, 14th 2011
I am the foreigner amongst foreigners here in a city larger than I can describe on paper or in a Blog post. People stare at me, with an awe and confused look playing on their facial features. They're wondering what it is that I am doing here. I simply smile at them and nod in the most respectful way I can think of and continue walking. They pretend not to notice my acknowledgement and look away quickly. Some smile broadly right back at me. Its rather comical in a way, sort of unsettling and yet comfortable and humbling at the same time.

Aug, 25th 2011
I walked across a bridge and while crossing I saw a woman who was barely there. Her eyes were closed and the skin on her face was pulled tight. Whether it's tight with age or tight with hunger is difficult to say. "Both" I think to myself. A man is repeatedly bowing down to those who pass by, he says "xie xie" each time his head falls, which means "thank you." But no matter how many times he says "xie xie" the people still walk by without even glancing down.
But who am I to judge though? I too walked by without even slowing down, wrapped up in my life. And I selfishly thought: "I will write about that and move the hearts of those who read."