Title-less

I have recently discovered a need in my life to become a global citizen. To consider the world; and that means every country and every person, their perspectives and their hearts. So much is happening these days. Libya, Egypt, Yemen, uprisings within the people, the want to overthrow government. Earthquakes, tsunamis, everything happens to the places that can't take it. Their infrastructures can't take it. El Salvador, Bolivia, the absence of water, nothing comes easily in these countries. Nothing. How can I reconcile that with what I've always known?
I've never known need, or want. I've had privileged and structure, loving parents, sisters; family. How did this come to be? How come I could have this, why is it that I take for granted the fact that the water is hot every morning when I take a shower and Bolivians don't have enough to wash their hands for more than a second? Its unbalanced and unfair, and I am challenged by it. Simply because it shouldn't be this way, I should not have more opportunities than the next person, because of my skin color, because of my nationality, because of my heritage. It shouldn't be that way.

But it is. So what can I do?

There is a deafening silence in my heart as to what in the world I will do with my life. What will I do? I shouldn't have these advantages, in fact I don't want them anymore. I want to lose my life in this world to gain it for Christ. Is that presumptuous? Am I annoying when I write that? Cause its true. I want desperately to be the minority, to be learning from those I only ever see pictures of or hear about in power points. I want to forsake comfort. I want to live without it (comfort) and be challenged to survive on less than what I've known.
Can I do it? I hope so, but its not supposed to be.

What's worse?
There is poverty here, there is brokenness here in the land of "The Have". WHAT? How is this possible? People in countries such as El Salvador strive to come to this place, but then they come here to a place that is painted as golden and where you would think you would want to be. Here there is no such thing as intentionality, as being holistic, here there is selfishness, here there is money and it has corrupted our hearts. Here people don't care, people are individuals, they stand alone, and guarded. Here, despite the wealth, people go hungry every night, or they sleep on the streets. That shouldn't be, not here.

But then I should never have known these privileges, I don't deserve them. Alone I am powerless, alone I can't do much, but with people working together much can be accomplished and much can be gained. So I'm going to search for that and in the mean time, I'm going to pray with a fervor that I hope never leaves my heart and soul.

So much to do, and only one life time to do it all in. But its easy to forget that the world doesn't rest on my shoulders. Its easy to think that "I am the change the world has been waiting for." That thought comes from arrogance and pride. Throughout this I must remain humble; I am a small wave tossed in the ocean, a breath, a split second, and still my Father in heaven loves me with grace and mercy, and still I'm given a chance to make whatever difference I can.

A Bad Thing

So I would like to share a time in life when I was...for lack of a better description, up creek without a paddle...

Oh! and also here is a video of that time! :) Enjoy!

The last few days have reminded me of peace and hope, loneliness and endings. I'd like to think that my life is one that may one day teach others, help them through tough times and encourage them. I feel that this story might be one that will.
I traveled to Dublin in the past few days, the dates are unimportant, Dublin was beautiful apart from the endless rain that graced our presence and soaked my nice suede boots...meh (I'm over it). The trip was coming to an earlier close for me because I had booked an earlier flight for the day before my friends were leaving. I caught the bus to the Dublin airport and was excited about returning to good old Cheltenham, I got to the airport safe and got in line to check in. You can imagine my surprise when the nice (not Irish) lady at the desk told me that the flight was closed...
My first thought was that she was kidding...bad stuff like this does not happen to Tricia Demmers. REALITY CHECK...(of course bad things happen to me!) What was I thinking? A list of things popped up in my head. A list of "if only's" and "what if's" all of which simply made me panic all the more. I stood in the busy Dublin airport for a few minutes clearing my head and staring at the ceiling. If anyone had approached me then, I would have burst into tears (I'm a girl, crying relieves stress). I blew out a stream of frustrated air and then made my way over to the Ryanair desk where tickets could be purchased. I already knew that the price would be more than I could pay. When the amount 100 euros reached my ears...I simply blinked and stated "I don't have enough money for that"
If this had been any other situation I would have laughed at the response from the lady (this time Irish) at the desk, which was "Oh". Well this being the situation that it was I did not laugh, I walked away and began to formulate a plan in my brain. My only aim was to get back to Britain, I wanted to hear British accents, but more than anything I wanted comfort and the sound of my mother's voice calming me down. Of course right then I couldn't have that, so using the last few pounds on my mobile phone I called Emily who was sleeping at the Hostel to let her and the others know what had happened. I asked her for the code to call Canada from here, as much as I did not want to do it, I had to ask for the help of my parents.
Two or three minutes later Emily texted me back the code, 001 (in case you all didn't know), and I called my parents at 9:45 am in the morning, which would be about 4:45 in the morning in Canada. I had not thought of that, it was THE LAST thing on my mind. I left a very tearful message on my parent's answering machine and sat on the stairs staring at my feet and the floor counting the colours that were used in the tiling. That didn't take up much time since there were only three, gray, dark gray, and black.
"Dreary colours for a dreary day" The list of "if only's" appeared in my mind again...and then disappeared into a list of places I'd rather be, and then of people I'd rather see than the random faces I was seeing here.
There is a very popular phrase that goes something like this: "Alone in a sea of people"...this sums up my feeling at this particular time in my life. I'm sure we all have gone through periods of extreme loneliness, I'm sure we've all messed up and those annoying lists appeared in our brains and the only thing you can do is simply wait. So I waited and waited until a decent hour to call my parents.
At 11:00 I called and my mom, sweet mom, picked up the phone in a frantic voice and without even asking who it was she said "Its going to be alright", welp...I crumbled and through my sobs I apologized and promised to pay them back. Before I could finish my monologue I heard a click, and then the musical sound that rings when I receive a text. It read, "Your credit it 0.00 pounds"
WAS someone filming this? I almost wanted to search for the person who was doing this to me and ask them if the prank was up now and could I go home now?
I stared at my phone, and then got up in a panic. The word "Payphone" was flashing in my mind like a neon sign. After searching the top floor and the second floor, I finally found one on the bottom floor (the last floor that I check...convenient). I followed the instructions to call collect to Canada and soon listening to the ring tone and then heard the voice of my parents.
I explained to them that I had no money, I've missed my plane and that I needed to buy a ticket home..."So where are you going to get the money from then?" My dad asked, "From you?" I asked and held my breath, "Ok"
Two hours later I was again talking to my father on the pay phone, writing down my confirmation number for the flight that would take off at 6:35 the next morning to Bristol. Unfortunately, my father booked it as a online check-in. Thus my next mission was finding a computer and a printer that worked. After talking to five different desks that said either it worked, or that it didn't, or that they wouldn't chance it, or that it works sometimes. GREAT! Well I had no choice, so I looked in my wallet for money, I had in total 5 euros, ok. With my heart in my throat I sat the computer that was connected to the printer, the only printer available for public use in the Dublin airport. I answered the questions and clicked print and held my breath, there was nothing...

And then, a click and a sheet of paper appeared out of the printer, I let out my breath and signed, something good had definitely just happened. I literally ripped my boarding pass from the printer and smiled, I dropped another euro into the computer. Now that I was able to get to Bristol I needed to be able to get from Bristol to Cheltenham. Before time ran out (I never realized how stressful being on the internet was) I typed like the Dickens an email to Denise ( my lovely chaperon here in England) begging her to pick me up in Bristol at 7:45 the next morning. I hit the send button just as my time ran out and I breathed and asked the person beside me what time it was. 2:15 was the answer. What to do? Wait.
I picked up my bag and went out of the airport, for a walk...in circles around the Dublin airport....good fun.
I came back and sat in the sitting area for one of the many restaurants. Food. That would be nice...I opened my wallet again, three euros and I still had to check my email to see if Denise had received my email. I stared at the 1 euro menu, I bought a Sundae. Good nutrients. "Yup, I am the ultimate traveler" I think, "I have no idea where my next meal will come from, or even if I'll have a next meal...character building"

This occurred a few years ago now, but looking back on it, I don't think I'll ever forget those lessons nor the overwhelming feeling of helplessness. Like I said above of course bad things happen to me, bad things happen to everyone, but its recognizing that we can learn from these things that makes them worthwhile you know? Maybe you already knew that, maybe you didn't. If you did then I just reiterated an important point...if you didn't then well I think theres a saying "You learn something new each day; everyday is a school day they say."

What is Life?

http://www.liftcommunities.org/

Last year I had the privilege of volunteering for LIFT Communities in Philadelphia, PA. As a college student I was able to use my knowledge and computer skills to help and advocate for low income individuals. Actually any one who wanted our help could come in and ask for our aid. I worked with former professors even a man who rode a bike from central Florida to Quebec. I worked with a man who was addicted to Heroin, but through an amazing turn of events, he found a way to come clean. Another woman used to be a prostitute, and another had bi-polar disease and because of this she was now unemployed and yet there was another who had left her husband because of abuse and now she was searching for a way to survive.
Amazing people who had simply fallen under the radar because of a mishap or the economy. Almost every time I went I learned something new. I learned that unity is priceless and that a simple listening ear can turn a rainy day into one full of sunshine, that everyone asks for help, and that compassion is underrated. LIFT emphasized that strength is compassion, care and giving yourself to those who need you.
While I was there I picked up this sheet of paper, which was posted in each little cubicle at the LIFT office in Philadelphia. It is a list of Life's characteristics, I have it pinned up in front of my desk and I look at it almost every day.
Here it goes:

What is Life?

1. Life is a challenge   > You must meet it
2. Life is a Risk          > You must take it
3. Life is Sorrow        > You must bear it
4. Life is a Problem    > You must overcome it
5. Life is a Gift           >  You must accept it
6. Life is Tragedy       >  You must boycott it
7. Life is a Game        >  You must play it
8. Life is a Duty          > You must perform it
9. Life is Misery          >  You must unfold it
10. Life is an Opportunity > You must use it
11. Life is a Promise      > You must fulfill it
12. Life is a song           >  You must sing it
13. Life is a journey       >  You must complete it
14. Life is a Beauty        > You must admire it
15. Life is Love             >  You must share it
16. Life is a case           >  You must win it
17. Life is war               >  You must fight it
18. Life is a puzzle         >  You must fight it
19. Life is Work            >  You must do it
20. Life is a Goal           > You must achieve it 
21. Life is Hardship       > You must endure it
22. Life is God's Gift     > You must praise the Lord

But the best part of this entire sheet and the part that makes me look inside myself, no matter how good or bad life can be, is what is hand written in at the bottom: Rain O' Shine. I'm looking out the window right now and its shining, that sun it a beaming like there will be no tomorrow; I have a smile on my face and to be honest its there for an unexplainable reason. Today I just wanted to consider life and this seemed like the perfect way to do it. 

PS: thank you LIFT for the list, the opportunities and the beautiful people you let me meet.

Misconceptions

The Stag at the Pool

A stag overpowered by heat came to a spring to drink. Seeing his own shadow reflected in the water, he greatly admired the size and variety of his horns, but felt angry with himself for having such slender and weak feet. While he was thus contemplating himself, a lion appeared at the pool and crouched to pounce upon him. The stag immediately bolted off, and exerted his greatest speed, as long as the plain was smooth and open kept himself easily at a safe distance from the lion. But entering the wood he became entangled by his horns, and the lion quickly came up to him and caught him. When it was too late he reproached himself saying, "Woe is me! How I have deceived myself! These feet which would have saved me I despised, and I glorified these antlers which have lead to my demise."

What is worth most is often valued least.

Did you ever wish you had waited to hear the rest of the story? Like getting to know a person better, or giving a person a break and allowing them to explain themselves? Or reading things from two different perspectives and understanding more about a situation. Maybe being willing to look at the positive rather than the negative, or being willing to accept other's opinions about situations. Or are we to wrapped up in our understanding of the world?  Well there are people who are content with a limited understanding, but some act on that understanding and its not an understanding; its a misconception; a lack of knowledge.

Amy Patterson wrote in her article titled "A Question of Power: A Christian Political Scientist Responds to AIDS in Africa" that there many misconceptions the western world has about AIDS. She states that there are three factors that have limited the AIDS efforts of Western Christians.
Patterson states that "First, citizens in the West lack knowledge about AIDS. A 2006 Kaiser Family Foundation survey found that 43 percent of Americans (and 32 percent of college graduates) held at least one misconception about how HIV is spread. Over half (55 percent) did not know that an HIV-positive pregnant woman can take drugs to reduce HIV infection in her baby." She goes on to mention that the second limitation is that of an approach limited in an idealism ignoring "God's created, but ultimately sinful, realm of power politics." This leads to the third limitation and misconception of the western world and that is; the view that short-term AIDS efforts facilitate justice, but it is really charity and ultimately these efforts "do not seek to change unequal structures in God's world."
A common misunderstanding about Africa as a continent on this side of the world is that it is under what is termed as the "AIDS blanket." But AIDS has had different impacts in different countries throughout Africa. What we over here think we understand is simply a regurgitation of what we see and read about through the media. But this is has been edited and formulated by people who take out and put in different information. Granted the information needs to be correct, otherwise we have an ethical issue on our hands, but the truth can be bent. Don't deny it, because you've done it before too. I know I have. What this speaks to me about is the simple fact that there are misguidances and as the title of this blog suggests, misconceptions about the world and situations occurring in it.
But the secret to understanding the world and its problems is also realizing that there are problems everywhere and there are positive things happening in those countries that are portrayed as dangerous. AND there are dangerous things happening in those countries that are portrayed as safe.

Take the United States of America for example. It is viewed as a very safe country, and yet there are murders and there is sickness, there is hate and there is anger here too, just as much if not more than in countries such as Mexico. You may think that because the USA has mega corporations and many microcosms of the government, there is stability. Yes there is stability but it is a shaky and broken stability, because it is made up of sinful people; just like every where. Lurking in every country is brokenness, some are just better at hiding it than others.

I don't know, I could be wrong, after all these are simply my philosophies, theories and ideas.

One Rule

In one of my reading compilations for a class that I'm taking this semester, I was struck by a certain realization that the author wrote about.The article was titled "Giving an A", written by Rosamund and Benjamin Zander. They wrote that the "player who looks least engaged may be the most committed member of the group. A cynic, after all, is a passionate person who does not want to be disappointed again."


Think about that.
Take a moment and ponder what is written up there and then think about yourself. And answer this question; are you that compassionate person? Or are you that person people judge from the outside and think that you really don't care from your appearance?


You see here is my thing. I am a passionate person, bu does that mean I am a cynical person? Is my passion derived from deep disappointment? And I let my frustrations with disappointment out, through discourse.And am I 'deeply involved' in that discourse, or am I only 'involved'? Is it even possible to be only involved? 
I'm a closet cynic. There I've said it, and those of you who read this, can either affirm the same experience to yourself or not. You're either a closet cynic too, or not. 


Wait! Keep Reading!


Ahem...What does it mean to be a closet cynic? On the outside I give off the image of an overly positive person, happy constantly, talkative and energetic. Yet on the inside I have opinions and comments about everything, ideas about what persons have said or not said. A closet cynic creates judgment out of conjecture, we make things up in our head and then we form theories about them and only our closest friends know about these thoughts formulating in our brains.
Good or Bad? In my opinion its always good to keep a balance of reality, but if you are a closet cynic, it's probably best to NOT let those conjectures rule your heart, your head...your life. Otherwise (and read this carefully) you will end up alone and bitter. So you see it can be both good and bad, both helpful and diminutive. Basically here is what I'm saying: it is always best to keep a handle on reality and know that life is not how you would read it in a novel or watch in a movie. But it is always best to keep your grip of expectation, otherwise the days become long and monotonous and then a frown comes much more easily to your face and your stuck wondering why you're hanging out alone reading articles on depression theories.


What does the title of this particular blog have to do with what I've actually written? Well, what I've admitted and the social commentary I've provided to obviously be from my own perspective, but also it is a rule, one rule I've set for myself to keep a firm head on my shoulders. 
Does this girl believe that exceeding happiness and endless joy exists? Of course I do! I just also happen to think that there are very few and rare occasions that it does exist. I've experienced it though. There have been times when I've felt lighter than a cloud, and completely at peace. When I know life does not get any better than this. When I'm praising my savior, or loving on my family. And when those times come along, I cherish them, hold them in my heart and never forget them.
Now how cliché does that sound? 


Here is some advice from one closet cynic to one who think they might be. KEEP that passion, let it be your drive, but also please don't let it rule your life, simply let it be a guidance, and wary parent who warns you of the potentially negative and positive aspects of a situation. KEEP searching for those times when you're on top of the world and don't wish to be disappointed. 


Alright, now you've had enough of my theorizing and philosophizing for today...and sorry that this post again is not at all about fables; but aren't you glad you kept reading?
...
Don't answer that.