Notice

This is just a little note to say that I've been doing more blogging at my other blog: http://www.gorpthetrail.wordpress.com/

That is not to say that I won't blog here anymore, but there are more updates on my other one than there are here! So please look for me there and continue to follow me :)

Building Castles in the Sky (2)

Beijing is full of lights, like every city. Whether they are the lights from cars or the lights from buildings, they all add together to make somewhat of a haven looking atmosphere, but I should not be deceived because this haven is not safe. What makes it seem almost dream-like at times is in fact the smog. The heavy smog, that at times makes you feel as if you're wading through think air. Its in one word: uncomfortable. But its what makes living here seem almost unbelievable.

Aug 26th 2011
I've discovered that I'm not as smart as I thought I was. I think I know the rules of the game and then invariably, they change. I am...once again reminded that life is not a game...and there are no rules. But there are the morals and values that we live by each day. Its a pity that I'm only now just realizing it. 
Its true that its easier not to care-to distance myself and say "It doesn't matter." But that would be too simple; to uncomplicated. Nothing is ever just easy, nothing is ever really free of charge. Things worth doing, take time, prayer, thought. They don't just occur. Like my heart, it is too complicated and yet simple at the same time, too unpredictable. I cannot stand that I don't know the answer to my questions. Like, "Why am I here?"
Back to rules, there is one I think that should stand, there is one definite constant: Christ's love and God's mercy.


Sept 4th 2011
Its quiet...Beijing is quiet. Odd. This rarely happens I think. But its calm today, and the sun is almost completely awake. But I sit and wait a minute, Beijing is already on its way to becoming the loud city it usually is by noon. And I'm here, just waiting on the edge of what seems like the brink to I don't know where.
A man dressed in white walks back and forth at a steady pace. "Morning exercise," I think to myself.


There is a desperation for English in this country. Its almost staggering. It seems to me that these people who have such a beauty in their culture, their language, and yet they want so desperately to be Western. But they try too hard to reach that goal. Western themes are always overdone and overrated...There are many English schools like the one I work at, and there are more sprouting up throughout the country. Apart from that parents are asking for English tutors, English nannies, English babysitters. I can't decide if its a "need" or simply an overwhelming "want".

Building Castles in the Air (1)

I have been living and working in Beijing now for about a month and so far have considered it to be a blessing that is both hidden and completely visible at the same time. There is not one moment that I am no thankful for and yet there are many which I wish I would forget. I am constantly amazed that this is now my life and these will be the people I shall see for some time, but I think that these thoughts have not quite seeped through to my brain, nor my heart. And for once in my short life, I am at peace with this notion that I have not quite settled yet.
Settling takes time and aligning oneself with a new routine and new people...I am glad that I do not settle so easily.

Throughout my time here thus far, I have written some pages with my thoughts, my musings if you will on anything that I come upon at the time. My side-bag is almost always with me, and in it is always a pen and notebook to jot down some random thoughts, call me a nerd, but that's what I am.

Aug, 14th 2011
I am the foreigner amongst foreigners here in a city larger than I can describe on paper or in a Blog post. People stare at me, with an awe and confused look playing on their facial features. They're wondering what it is that I am doing here. I simply smile at them and nod in the most respectful way I can think of and continue walking. They pretend not to notice my acknowledgement and look away quickly. Some smile broadly right back at me. Its rather comical in a way, sort of unsettling and yet comfortable and humbling at the same time.

Aug, 25th 2011
I walked across a bridge and while crossing I saw a woman who was barely there. Her eyes were closed and the skin on her face was pulled tight. Whether it's tight with age or tight with hunger is difficult to say. "Both" I think to myself. A man is repeatedly bowing down to those who pass by, he says "xie xie" each time his head falls, which means "thank you." But no matter how many times he says "xie xie" the people still walk by without even glancing down.
But who am I to judge though? I too walked by without even slowing down, wrapped up in my life. And I selfishly thought: "I will write about that and move the hearts of those who read."

GOR(a)P

So I have about 10 minutes waiting in the Toronto airport before I board to Beijing...and I just wanted to let you know (in case you didn't) notice that I've changed the name of my blog.
Why?
Well it needed to happen...the previous title was just too, I don't know, just too long and involved I guess. So now I've changed it to GOR(a)P. Which quite simply means, "good old raisins and peanuts". I figured why not change it to something I'm a little obsessed with right? Of course right. So I changed it with the help of my family.

GOR(a)P (pronounced 'gorp') is in our family something that sustains you throughout a camping trip, portaging and all that jazz. We usually put M&Ms and Craisins, maybe some caramels and perhaps some chocolate covered raisins, cashews and almonds...all that really great stuff. Its full of energy and it gives you a will to push on while you're on the trail. At least it does that for me, I can't speak for my family. When I'm home I have a constant mix on the go...I guess you could safely say that I'm addicted. So my thought processed followed that I want this blog to be about 'being', and if gorp helps me 'be'...why not title my blog about it?
My point exactly! I knew you would share my enthusiasm! :) Thank you generous supporter/reader, whoever you are.

A Random Tidbit
So my emotions are running very high, I'm an emotional person...I can't help it! I've just said goodbye to my family and am now going to live in Beijing for about a year, teach English and get to know a completely different culture. I am so excited and nervous!! Let me put it this way: I have a huge smile on my face, but my eyes are puffy from crying. How does that sound? Pretty great right? I think it is, because this means this is a challenge and I love picking up the proverbial gauntlet as it were and saying "Take your best shot."

All of the above aside, life is wonderful, its beautiful each day and I just can't wait to enjoy the rest of now and the rest of everything else. I hope you'll join me for some gorp or as my title reads "GOR(a)P" every once in a while, here at this blog, with me.

TAXI

I've been in Xalapa, Veracruz, Mexico now for about a week and let me tell you I'm amazed at the beauty of the people, at the beauty of culture, at the beauty of their language and so much more. The country (although I'm outside the city of Xalapa) is amazing to observe and attempt to relate to, which is sometimes rather difficult, but always interesting none the less. It makes me smile, for many reasons, mostly because I'm so naive and also because beauty still surprises me, no matter where or how I find it.
Where have I found beauty you ask.
Let me tell you. My friend and I went walking yesterday, which is no different than any other day, but we went to a park that was absolutely gorgeous. There were streams and green, green trees that stretched above your head to create a canopy of sorts to block the rain. Throughout the park there were various playgrounds and swing-sets and a soccer game going on behind a fence.
When we walked to the top, of a walkway that seemed to stretch on for forever there was a couple. And they had no problem with expressing their love for each other in very obvious ways. But this couple was to me, different, not because they were expressing their love for each other (that's quite normal in Mexico), but because this woman was quite large and the man...was very tiny. But that didn't stop them, each knew the other loved the other and that was all they needed. What was more, they were making out, and my friend and I were quite invisible to them. They were totally wrapped up in each other (literally and physically).
And it was beautiful.
You may think its gross, disgusting, and unwanted. But affection in this country is always given freely and always readily accepted...something we Canadians and Americans don't see all the time.
What else...

We hailed a taxi the other day, to fit my friends and I in order to go to church. And the taxi driver began to tell us about himself. He asked if we were American, and we said yes...he asked how long we were in Mexico, we said three weeks. He told us that he had been to California to work with his five year old son and wife.
We asked for how long, he said that he was there for about seven years and then immigration sent him home...to Mexico. But his son and wife are staying there, he said that its better in California, than here. He sighed and looked out the window.
"Do you like Mexico?" he asked in English.
"Yes, of course!" we answered.
"Why?" he asked again.
I'm not just writing this for the emotional impact that it might have, but simply for the truth and love that I saw in his face when he talked about his son. It was almost as if he was a zombie, driving around and then his eyes lit up when his family was the topic of conversation. And that is beautiful.
So I've decided that I love taking the taxi, because we get to hear these driver's stories, and each one is different and each one touches my heart in a new way (I know that's cliche but hey sometimes cliches are the best way to express things). In some ways I think we all kind of metaphorically take a taxi when we give our time to search for beauty and simply listen. Wouldn't life be much more enjoyable and relaxing if we did?
 ...
How can you take a "taxi" today?

Irreversible

I once met a woman who said that knowledge is freeing and that students have access to that freedom, but they don't take advantage of it...they complain about the papers they have to write, the tests they have to take, the notes they have to make.
"Students," she said, "Don't realize the blessing they have, as with people we don't realize the blessings we have until those blessings are taken away."
Well, I must say that she was making a cliche but ever true statement. To often the blessings and gifts we receive are thrown to the wayside and forgotten, neglected...any other adjectives that I can use to describe what I'm trying to say? I could carry the metaphor and say that we've left them out to shrivel and dry in the hot sun...but I think that you probably get my point.

In Mongolia, the gift of faith is not so readily available. The church there is only 21 years old...I'M older than the church of an entire country. Mongolia is predominantly Shamanistic Buddhist, that is they believe in taboos and Buddha. throughout their country there are trees draped in the finest cloths because the trees are indicative of the Mother Tree.  Surrounding the Mother Tree there is a wall made of bricks of dried leaves (I can't quite remember if they were Tobacco leaves or not) and matches. There are patches of fabrics hanging throughout the space leading up to the Mother Tree. On those patches there are prayers written in the language spoken by Tibetan Buddhists...the Mongols don't understand it...but they pray them. Faith is not part of their religion, routine and making sure you do the right things so as not to offend the spirits. Faith is hard to come by.
In Canada and the United States, faith is readily available and readily accessible for those who would wish to accept it. God is loving to the entire world, don't get me wrong. But in Mongolia, those who believe are said to be cursed by the spirits. They are thrown out of their homes, forgotten about by their families.

In Mexico, water is precious. In El Salvador, drinkable water is called Sweet Water, it is so precious, its hard to come by. Water comes in large blue containers and that is the water you drink...not tap water. In Mexico simple things like a laundry hamper are hard to come by. In El Salvador each child has perhaps one toy...only one. In Mongolia children who cannot be taken care of are quite literally thrown out, left in the gutter. Children in Mongolia find man holes to live in throughout the winter and that is what they call their home. In Mexico, apartments with two rooms to fit five people is usual. In El Salvador, in a town called Plante Nueva, a home has three rooms, hammocks, the walls are rock...bare, no windows and the fire is kept outside under a canopy made with metal roofing.

In Canada and the United States, walls have layers, bricks, dry-walling...water is accessible and disposable. Children have electronic toys and many of them...I've seen rooms and rooms of toys that children don't use and yet they are given more depending on their age. If a child is two, they get stuffed animals, four they get a game, if their six they get books with talking pictures.
When did the discrepancy start? How did we get so divided? What happened?
How can we rectify it? Make it even across the board.
I recently went to conference where lobbying the government is thought to be the way to change things, with policies and government officials. Summits like the G20 and the G8, are seen as the way to make change. Maybe it is.
But a woman I met said that those conferences are just grand leaders from the great countries who don't have the problems of the little countries and they decide what they think what would be best for those countries. Those leaders have decided what those little countries should do. Have those countries had any say, were they involved in the discussions, taught what might need to be done? No. And sometimes those summits come up with unrealistic goals for the little countries.
According to this woman, they've made someone's hunger a bureaucratic issue. Should it be? I'm not pretending to have the answers here, I'm simply making a statement and writing about what I have learned. What have I learned? That there is a large discrepancy and there shouldn't be. For one thing the world produces enough food for everyone to eat. I know there is enough technology to share, I know that if we tried, there would definitely be enough clothing and even money (despite the fact that the strong capitalistic countries today say that the world is on the verge of an economic crash).
...
Solution? Again I don't have the answers, but maybe making a way to the answer begins with simply caring about these issues and wanting to do something about the problems. Maybe the people who have been searching for these answers for a while now...think the same thing. Maybe it begins with awareness.
Maybe our generation (that has been tagged with complacency) will change and we'll be the ones to change the discrepancy-what many have called irreversible.

Breaking Through

I don't think that we ever truly think things through entirely otherwise some things we wouldn't do. Consider it, if you analyzed everything you did, before you did it then I'll bet you half the things you actually did would not have been done in the first place. I know for one thing I would not have traveled as much as I do if I had always weighed the pros and cons. Sometimes you just have to throw caution to the wind and take a leap of faith. am I right or am I right?
That (to me at least) is a good thing, otherwise we would have people locked away in their little houses, alone and naive and completely innocent.
But you can't be innocent.

Not today anyways. There is simply no way that you can live your life and pretend that everything is ok. Because its not. Everything is not ok, but here's the thing. The world is beautiful, but it is broken and slightly abandoned by those who inhabit it. Distressing no? Do you feel like right now its hard to breathe, that you're suffocating as the walls of injustice close in around you? You feel as if its your job to fix it don't you?
Please for the sake of your sanity don't. Please unravel yourself and take a healthy step back from the problems. I'm saying this to myself as much as I am to the few of you who read this.
The problems will always be present, and they will always be bigger than what you are capable of fixing. Please just do what is possible for you to do. Please just know that your gift to fix the world is enough if your trying to fix it.
This is great news, because that means you only have to do what you can, what you are able, what you are called to do. Of course go above and beyond the call of duty, but remember that not everything is depending on you.

Just a simple realization for the few of you who are reading this simple blog.A breaking through the mold if you will allow me a simple cliche :)
Aside from all of this, I'm in Mexico and loving another country of the world. God is great, and keeps we wrapped in love and good things. I am blessed by friends and family...(sigh) I have nothing more to say.